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The Amazing Thing That Happens When You Believe That You Matter

Have you ever woken up a year (or two, or ten) into a relationship to find yourself boiling with resentment? You’re sick of feeling unappreciated and taken for granted. You do so many things to accommodate your partner, but there never seems to be much reciprocity. You keep waiting for the day when your partner…

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5 Good Things You Should Tell Yourself After a Bad Divorce

Your thoughts, not your circumstances, determine if you thrive after divorce. You could end up with the house, your preferred custody plan, the china and the crystal, and still blame your ex for messing up your formerly picture-perfect existence. Or, you could trade the house for an apartment, less custody time than you’d hoped, mismatched…

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What Everyone In A High-Conflict Divorce Wants Their Family Law and Mental Health Professionals To Know

A few years ago, Gwyneth Paltrow sent “conscious uncoupling” and “conscious co-parenting” into the zeitgeist when she separated from her husband Chris Martin. Her widely-publicized mission to divorce and co-parent with dignity ignited a conversation about what the terms “conscious uncoupling” and “conscious co-parenting” mean, and how to practice them. While she set a good…

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The One Thing Everyone Going Through High-Conflict Divorce Must Do

Some time ago I asked a prominent divorce attorney, who had the reputation of being a terrorist, to tell me the top piece of advice she gave to clients undergoing high-conflict divorces. I thought she would respond with something about forensic accountants, or how to get sole custody, or the ever-popular “document, document, document.” But…

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How Do I Stop Picking Partners Who Cheat On Me?

Note: While this article is primarily intended for women, men are also drawn to women who sexually betray them. In addition, not all infidelity constitutes sex addiction. Married for ten years to a charismatic man who traveled frequently for work, “Claire” had known about his compulsive porn use for five years, yet had chosen to…

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Can’t Co-Parent With Your Hostile Ex? Try This Strategy Instead

In a good-enough divorce, exes work through feelings of anger, betrayal and loss and arrive at a place of acceptance. Frustrations over the other parent’s values and choices are contained and pushed aside, making space for the Holy Grail of post-divorce life: effective co-parenting. Co-parenting is possible only when both exes support their children’s need…

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You Just Found Out Your Partner Is Cheating: Should You Leave?

“Stephanie” came to see me after discovering that her attorney husband “Sam” had been visiting prostitutes during his lunch hour. She learned this one night while up late with their sick toddler. Sam had forgotten to log out of his secret e-mail account, the one he used to schedule hook-ups with escorts, exotic masseuses, and…

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What Therapists Don’t Tell You About Divorcing A High-Conflict Personality

Therapists are trained to help clients become self-aware and authentic. For people who grew up in invalidating environments, where they learned to suppress their feelings and needs in order to be accepted, therapy can be life-altering. Competent therapists who provide a corrective emotional experience can make it possible for people who never had a voice…

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